a day in the desert [0121.2003]

I suppose there aren't too many goats out in the desert, and that's a shame, because el chupacabra just seems like it ought to be a desert animal, and you can't have chupacabra if you don't have goats.

But that's okay, because there's plenty of other things that live in the desert, such as fish. There are many varieties of fish that live in the desert.

The peso fish, for example, is approximately one eighth of an inch long, and spends its days in total darkness, swimming through a vast network of thick roots that connect all desert cacti. The peso fish is of special interest to computer science. Right now, a team at Los Alamos National Laboratory is working to train these fish to carry TCP/IP packets across the desert. Although the fish themselves move slowly, they communicate through pheremones, which dissipate quite rapidly through the cellular walls of the cacti. The scientists hope that by understanding the peso fish, they will one day be able to check their email from any cactus on earth.

Cacti themselves are quite interesting creatures. Long thought to be plants, we have now learned that cacti are actually a type of marsupial, like the common house cat or chia pet, except much smarter. Although wild cacti do not communicate with what we would call language, their brains are very similar to ours, and there is actually a cactus named Tina that has been taught from birth to form simple sentences using a special computer.

With all this science going on in the desert, people sometimes forget that it's also a great place to have explosions. Nobody lives in the desert, so it's okay to blow up anything you want.

Deserts are known for sandstorms. These are caused by huge amounts of dust kicked up into the atmosphere by asteroids, which collide with the desert on the third tuesday of each month, and of course by the many explosions. Sandstorms can last for up to ten minutes and come in a variety of colors, shapes, and speeds.

Finally, there is nothing to eat or drink in the desert. You are encouraged to bring your own food, but visitors should note that oranges and other citrus fruits are prohibited, and will be confiscated at the border.